Keeping it Real!

As this journey continues, I am, expectedly, driving through ups and downs.  I use the phrase driving through because even though I do face difficult and frustrating moments, I intend to keep moving forward.  I’d like to be honest with a few of those thoughts that have travelled my mind lately.  I’ll start with the negative so I can end this entry on a positive note.

Downs:

1.  I am a foodie.  I enjoy flavors, a vast variety of food, good restaurants and sweet desserts.  When I am invited to a party and a plethora of decadent goodies are sprawled out on the table, this is overwhelming.  I faced this recently.  Knowing I was going to a party, I ate very light during the day and planned on selecting my food with a healthy perspective.  However, most of the options included some type of dip, cheese, sauce, chocolate, and so on.  Could I have navigated the waters better than I did, yes.  What did I do?  I ate a little bit of almost everything.  Then, the homemade chocolate chip cookies beckoned me and I ate two!  This was the first real “cheat” in three weeks.  Then, when I got home, it was tricky figuring out exactly what I ate and how to count it. 

2.  The physical, biological, chemical process involved in weight loss evades me at times.  I understand, on the basic level, that I eat less and move more to drop pounds.  I realize that the type of food I eat (nutrients, fiber, protein) and the exercises I pick can affect how I lose weight.  Here’s what I fail to comprehend: how can someone drastically change their eating habits and add in regular exercise to what was a fairly leisurely lifestyle and ONLY lose a pound or two on average per week?  And, here’s what’s worse- indulge a little here and there or have one bad night and risk not seeing any loss.  This just doesn’t add up.  I’ve read some research on cortisol levels and metabolism, but bottom line, those conditions really only impact, from what I understand, a small portion of the population.  What’s the deal?  I hate working so hard and fearing that the smallest detour might stall the scale or bump me up a bit. 

3.  Weekly weigh-ins are difficult for two reasons.  One, as I mentioned above, it is the moment of truth for a week’s worth of work.  I also have a difficult time weighing only once a week.  In fact, when I do weigh in more often, I realize just how crazy the scale can be.  I can be working just as hard each day and yet the scale will rise and fall in weird ways.  Is this water?  Does the time of day I exercise matter?  I could ask, and get trapped, in so many questions.  Again, I don’t always get why and how the body works the way it does. 

Ups:

1.  While those weekly weigh-ins can be frustrating, I strangely like this competition I’m involved in with my friends.  Each Thursday morning we text each other to share our results. This provides needed accountability and support.  We congratulate successes, encourage through the difficult moments, and offer suggestions when needed.  I put this on par with keeping a food journal.  For me, both are a necessity for endurance.  It gives me gas (or should I say steam).  

2.  Lately I’ve been working on being truly present while working out.  I concentrate on breathing, form, squeezing my parts, and feeling each movement.  Because of this, I know for a fact that I am gaining strength and endurance.  Just this morning I held a plank longer, completed football runs (as Bob Harper calls them) without walking instead, and boxed with more force for two minutes more than on Thursday.  These little accomplishments are important and I need to celebrate those.  I want to be aware of how I’m changing. 

3.  My constant craving for sweets is diminishing (yes, I am saying this after confessing to two chocolate chips cookies the other night).  Admittedly, I have a sweet tooth.  I think I’m circumventing this in a few ways.   First of all, I make healthy treats now more than ever.  Secondly, with the help of my “skinny chick treats” I do not allow myself to reach ultimate hunger.  Instead, I consume more, healthier choices, throughout the day.   I know I can still enjoy the “real deal” now and then but I want to plan, if possible, and not waste it on cheap thrills.  If this girl is going to indulge, I’m going to do it sparingly and consciously…while savoring every last bit. 

In the past two and half years I have lost between 45 and 50 pounds.  I’ve started and stopped for many reasons (some valid and some not).  Even though this is not a huge amount considering the time frame, I’ve kept it off.  Am I proud of this, yes.  Do I wish it was more noticeable, yes.  Maybe the tortoise had it right, slow and steady wins the race.  Let’s hope for fewer stops and more miles!   I'm down eight pounds since the end of June and unlike the hare, no naps for me.  

To getting fitter, healthier and keeping it real! 

Lean on me- to get STRONG!

The past two weeks have been positive.  I’ve worked out several times a week, written down and accounted for everything eaten, and tried out new healthy recipes.  For example, when on vacation in Charleston, I stumbled upon the blended frappe.  Yummy!  While I enjoyed a few of these coffee drinks on my trip, I knew I needed to find a healthier option at home.  Lucky for me, via the Hungry Girl website, I found several recipes for my frozen espresso treat.  Mocha and caramel are my specialties; with way less calories and way less sugar, these drinks are lovely!  I’m also a fan of frozen lemonade and I’ve been experimenting with a version using Crystal Light Lemonade packs, frozen fruit, ice and water.  So good and refreshing.  What would I do without my little blender machine?  It makes perfect, individual servings.  Luckily, I am blessed to have a good friend that is working on this journey with me and loves to share recipes, to talk tasty treats, and to keep me accountable. 

I also did some research on boxing as exercise.  With help from sites likes Ross Boxing and Expert Boxing, I’ve gained insight and practical examples to incorporate boxing for weight loss.  Why box?  Pounding my bag gets out frustrations, pumps up my heart rate, engages a plethora of muscles, and brings out the sweat.  Within two minutes, I am out of breath and feeling tough.  Regardless of the numbers on the scale, I truly believe that MOVING is key to getting fitter and healthier.  My workouts often involve a video, usually a Biggest Loser video with Bob Harper (he’s much nicer than Jillian), weight training, and boxing.  The medicine ball and swiss ball are thrown in there to shake things up now and then.  It’s also easier for me to do crunches at this point with the swiss ball.  Luckily, I am blessed with another good friend who works out with me and challenges me to keep a “fitness” schedule. 

My husband has also been encouraging and supportive.  He eats well with me, discusses healthier restaurant options with me, helps me plan grocery lists, and listens to my whining when I don’t lose weight, don’t feel like working out, and don’t want to be good.  This fitter journey is definitely that, a journey.  This process will not happen overnight and if I want to keep going, I have to continue to read, learn, try, move and most importantly, lean on others for assistance and inspiration. 

So, let me put this out there, if anyone wants to talk or share, let me know.  Growing into a healthier individual (mentally, spiritually, emotionally and physically) cannot be achieved alone.  To change is to desire, to develop discipline, to have an open heart and mind, and to lean on others.  My desire is growing and I’m open to others and myself; discipline is my major enemy.  One day and one punch at a time…for now. 

When Mojo and Motivation Combine

Finally, I feel like my mojo is back; my attitude and my ass are in tune with the world of healthy habits.  As an FYI, I looked up the word "mojo" and while many of the definitions really do not fit this context (casting magic spells, amulet) there is one definition (personal power and influence) that works perfectly!  Good or bad, I am one of those people who must exert personal power over myself.  I like being fired up; adding fuel to the fire is one of my gifts.  Let me explain further.  Although I am thankful for the encouragement and prodding of others, my own mind must be in check for change to truly occur.  I need buy-in.  As a friend recently described me, I am stubborn.  If I buy-in to something, fully, I will draw from my bullheadedness to make it happen.  Thus, this Taurus needed to remind herself why she started this "Fitter Before Forty" journey in the first place: to be healthier.

I'm not about dieting for the sake of dieting.  I do not care about being skinny like so and so.  Personally, as I've said before, I'm not driven by image.  Health on the other hand is a strong motivating factor for me.  This is where personal power and influence over myself comes into play.  I need to remind myself, in detail, why I want to be healthier.  I need to use my imagination to feel, picture and hear what healthy really means to me.  For example, I do not want to worry about high blood pressure or taking blood pressure medicine.  I imagine that conversation with my doctor.  I do not want to worry about becoming diabetic (it runs in my family).  I want to be able to move freely without the extra aches and pains that are probably in my future.  As someone with anxiety, I worry about having a heart attack (my Dad had quadruple bypass surgery).  To me, this is NOT all about weight.  This is about researching healthier food options and incorporating those, being in tune with my body and listening to what it needs, exercising and moving several times a week, and checking in with myself mentally to make sure I'm in a good place. Let me add, having friends in my corner, working with me, being on this journey as well, is, for me, a necessary blessing.  While I am stubborn, I am also a sharer.  When I'm really into something, I like sharing ideas with others.  Having people in my life that listen, try and share with me too only adds good fuel to my fire.


So let me talk in concretes for a minute.  I have added some "skinny chick treats" to my faves and I have also updated the list of healthy links.  Feel free to check these out and feel free to share any ideas!  I am back to writing down everything I eat each day; for me, this is crucial for accountability.  Right now, I have chosen to use the Weight Watchers method of totaling points.  However, my main focus is getting healthier so I do not think this is a must for everyone.  I am also exercising again.  Not only have I been spending time in my home gym (boxing, lifting weights, using the swiss ball, doing the videos), I have been taking little spins on my cruiser.  This is hilarious.  For some of us, riding a bike is not so natural.  For now, I've been riding up and down my street practicing my turns and stops until I feel comfortable enough to branch out.  This is still a workout!  Again, exercise, is not about getting skinny but rather about what it can do for my heart, lungs, and mind.  Moving in ways that are fun and challenging is important for me to continue.  Walking on a treadmill is not going to keep me engaged.  Personally, I need change, options, and fun in my workout.  Knowing myself is key in all of this.

Because I love quotes and I've been writing about personal attitude and discovery, let me share a few cool words:

You have to leave the city of your comfort and go into the wilderness of your intuition.  What you'll discover will be wonderful.  What you'll discover is yourself.  ~Alan Alda

Never mind searching for who you are.  Search for the person you aspire to be.  ~Robert Brault

I do not try to dance better than anyone else.  I only try to dance better than myself.

Mikhail Baryshnikov

May we aspire to be and do more than we have before!  May we challenge ourselves to grow!  May we never be afraid of change and changing ourselves!  

 

Can We Get Back Together?

I'll admit, I was a little worried this blog might not exist anymore after being ignored for so long.  I didn't even know if my fingers could find it at this point.  Thankfully, after some encouraging words from a friend, I took a chance and luckily, I'm here and the blog is here.  Hopefully, you will be here to read this and support me!

About two and half months ago I got pneumonia and following the pneumonia my asthma flared up fiercely.  My immune system was low, my lungs were tight, and I was constantly fatigued.  I spent most of nights sleeping in the chair sounding like I was grinding coffee with each breath. I won't include all the particulars, but let's just say I spent at least two days a week popping into my doctor's office for checkups of some kind or the other.  Between fighting all the sickness "junk" as I began to call it and just trying to survive the work days, I lost my game.  The careful grocery shopping, writing down everything I ate, exercising, and hardcore attitude went right out the window with the Ohio sunshine.  It was rain rain rain around here.

So now, as I am finally starting to feel better, I need to get my fight back.  Even though, in my heart, I know I did the best I could the last couple months, I feel like I lost time.  And, my attitude, before getting sick, was so strong and focused!  I'm honestly scared I won't get that fortitude back.  I haven't started exercising again; I really want to try this week but I have a feeling it will be like starting all over!  Uggghhh.  Mentally, I realize that if I can't do everything I did before, it's no big deal.  I'll build back up.  I also know I can grab my inhaler if I have trouble breathing.  But see, I get aggravated that I came so far and now I'm backwards.  I know how much weight I should have/could have lost by now and I haven't.  I didn't care about that when I was sick but I do now.  At the same time, I also don't have the strength that I had before I got sick either.  I don't have the will power or the sheer drive.  See the paradox?

I do want the drive though and that counts for something, right?  Here's an interesting fact: I told someone recently to laugh, a good hard fake laugh, over and over, until they smiled for real.  Usually, when I do this, I will really end up smiling or laughing at myself.  It may sound crazy but it helps when I'm down.  Tonight a friend told me I might have to fake my attitude about this "fit before forty" for awhile until the positive attitude comes back!  Huh!  OK.  Here I go...

Step 1.  I will go back and read my own blog entries from the beginning.  Maybe I will find encouragement from my own words and be reminded of my purpose!
Step 2.  I will go to the grocery tomorrow get some of my favorite fresh fruits as a treat!
Step 3.  I will load my purse back up with skinny chick treats.
Step 4.  I will write down what I eat each day.

Stretch Your Comfort Zone (not your waistband)

This blog post is inspired by comments shared in response to my last post.  Some of those comments were shared publicly and others personally.  For those of you who did respond, please know I dearly appreciate and value you. 

Thank you for your honesty and thank you for recognizing and appreciating my honesty.  I have not given up but I did need to refocus a little bit.  Your words were so encouraging.  Life is so much better when we can join together like this and talk to each other about our achievements and our struggles because we ALL have them!  Everyone is blessed and EVERYONE has difficulties and obstacles.  I heard someone say the other day that if you leave your comfort zone, God will do some creative things with your life.  I believe much of this journey for me is about leaving my comfort zone.  So when I was working so hard, balls to the walls I would actually say, stretching many of my comfort zones, and not seeing the change I expected, discouragement crept in.  However, when I worked out Friday, I realized that I was doing things that I know I could not have done a few months ago and even though I was dog tired in the end, I felt strong!  I don't want to give that up!  This is going to be a continual learning curve and nothing is going to happen overnight.  I'm continually exploring new foods, new restaurants, new places to shop, new exercises, and I just need to live and breathe in this time and not get caught up by the scale. Ultimately, the end game is being healthier and feeling empowered.

For me, this is not only something I'm working out but something that has to work.  This is why I'm not "dieting" or trying some quick fix plan.  While I might miss a few of the decadent treats that I overindulged in before, I am certainly not depriving myself.  I eat plenty.  I eat real food.  I'm within my healthy calorie range and learning about foods that are not only important for weight loss but for the heart, mind and skin.  I'm embracing exercise and my body in a way I never have before.  And, in the spirit of finding freedom, I'm also not going to live in bondage to too many rules.  It's all about smart choices and being informed but not being obsessive.  I know what both sides of this line are like, being too free with food and being to obsessive, and I can honestly say balance is so important.  Being prone to OCD, it is not healthy for me to worry or hyperfocus on all the numbers.  My phone applications and favorite websites definitely help me stay focused and armed with information.  Most of all, in order to keep working this out, I need to stay real.  I must have people I can be open and honest with because life is hard. 

I don't know if any of you have seen the t-shirts or bumper stickers that say, "I may be fat but you're ugly and I can lose weight"  but I remember seeing this on a buxom Floridian beauty one time and it cracked me up!  Fierce and snarky.  I think there are those, big and small, who are also ugly on the INSIDE and because of this I am motivated to talk openly about my quest.  No one is better than anyone else and I won't let anyone have that power over me.  I want to be a strong, real, woman.  None of us are perfect; herein lies our beauty.  Thanks for letting me complain and thanks for picking me up.  I'm working it out and working hard again!

"Glory is not in never failing but in rising every time we fail." -Anonymous

p.s.- stocked up on blueberries, kiwi, pineapple, yogurt, and all my fave skinny chick treats!

My Kick-Ass is Half-Assed!

I’m stagnant.  I’m losing steam.  I need rejuvenation.  I need a kick in the ass.  I’m half-assing it. 

The past two weeks have been rough.  I’m not even going to lie.  I’m still eating much better than I did before this journey began.  I’m still working out.  However, this maintaining weight or dropping .6 pounds here and there has crept into my psyche.  On one hand, I feel empowered by working out and testing my strength; I’m doing planks, lifting weights, walking briskly, incorporating several types of crunches, and so on.  In the spirit of singing my strengths, I ate something the other day that I knew I shouldn’t have so I worked out on my own even though I did not want to.  Lunch each day is a lean meal, yogurt and blueberries or a Luna bar, fruit and yogurt.  One of my good friends encourages me by keeping me updated with healthy foods to try and we’ve even shopped together.  There have been no late night cheesecake runs, although, I saw some crazy good desserts at a nearby restaurant table the other day and I’m pretty sure I gave them the stink eye.    

Here’s the bad news my bears, the boundaries are slipping a bit and the enthusiasm is waning.  When it comes to writing down my food each day and logging my calories, I’ve been slacking.  My pretty pink water bottle has not left the shelf for five days.  Yes, the horror.  I’m telling all!  Yesterday, I indulged in some trail mix, which I did not even enjoy before, and I ate twice the amount I should have in record time.  I hate to be trite but the honeymoon is moving toward an end and I need to keep the romance alive.  I think I need to vent first and then somehow get my fire back.  Here’s my venting.  Forgive me.

1.      * My existence before this was pretty sedentary.  No pain no gain?  Where is MY gain (loss)??

2.       *I think any weight I have lost has come off in my fingers, toes, ankles, wrists, and maybe my boobs.  I don’t mind having big boobs and my fingers are already a size 6.5.  Seriously, what about the belly?  The arm flab? If I cut my hair short again will my face at least look thinner?

3.       *When some people try to be encouraging, they basically say the Christian equivalent of “Let go and let God!”  Yeah…. Right…  I’m taking up boxing people, I might just hit you!

4.        *Why do some people, I’m thinking of skinnier people and men in particular, seem to lose weight faster?  It’s like the rich get richer and the poor get poorer.  Twisted. 

5.       *Is there truly a benefit to all this working out?  I know people who do not exercise and still lose more weight. 

6.       *I said this journey was about getting healthier so how else do I measure health?  How do I keep from getting discouraged if the scale is not moving forward fast enough? 

7.       *Having PCOS (polycystic ovary syndrome) bites.  I know it does in fact make things more difficult for me but it will not be my excuse.  I’m back of glucophage so hopefully this will start helping.

8.       *People in workout videos smile way too freaking much.  Annoying.  And now it’s almost time for runners to start creeping out onto the streets.  Great. 

Wow, this is feeling good.  Maybe I should stop and save some for later.  Obviously, I am trying to keep it real.  I need help from anyone that can help.  I need motivation or something.  I do NOT want to quit.  I will not give up so I’m writing this to let everyone know that I need some juice!!!  Power me.  Empower me.  Give me a battery.  Something.  Check my attitude.  Give me an attitude check.

Put'em Up! Put'em Up! No Cowardly Lion Here!

I’ve discovered I love boxing.  I like slipping on the gloves, strapping down the Velcro, tapping my knuckles together, getting my stance ready, and punching.  Right now I box a little every Friday with my trainer.  He puts on punch mitts, I wear fight gloves, and he teaches me how to swing.  Each boxing session is a workout that leaves me red in the face and out of breath; each jab, each hit, each upper cut allows me to knock out my tensions and aggressions.  I will literally back my trainer up against the wall and it feels good!  I love the feeling of rhythmically hitting and hitting hard.  Oh yes, I will be adding a heavyweight punching bag to the my home gym.  I’ve done a little research and boxing for exercise can be a cardio boom and whether I’m picturing the person who cut me off at the intersection, a disruptive student, or sexy skinny person, I may like this punching thing a little too much.  Anyway, this chick will be leaner, stronger, and tougher.  Let me remind you, as I mentioned in my earlier post, one of my other forms of exercise is circuit training (using free weights) to increase lean muscle mass in order to boost my metabolism.  So, while the pounds may not be dropping as fast, I do feel myself getting stronger and I can tell my body shape is slowly changing.   I am hoping to hit the 15 pound mark very soon.  I am close! 

Part of my positive attitude right now is my support system.  I read recently that those who are most successful in losing weight and keeping it off have the following people on their team:

1. The food friend- the person who cooks with you, eats with you, grocery shops with you,  helps make the healthy lists, supports smart dining out choices, gets on board with all the good food and eats essentially what you eat do

2. The workout buddy- the person who gets down and dirty and exercises with you, is an accountability partner, sweats with you and motivates you, works hard with you and suffers through the pain with you

3. The encourager- someone who has persisted through challenges, someone who will be encouraging, someone who will understand when things get tough and not look down on you but not let you give up either, someone who recognizes the good things you’re doing

I believe I have a solid team in place and I understand that I cannot do this alone.  I do not think that any change in life is easy and I am not too strong or too weak to admit that I need people in my life to help me accomplish this. 

In many of my literature classes we encounter stories with a protagonist, often an underdog, on a quest in order to reach some sort of tangible goal. Oftentimes, the physical journey is full of obstacles and challenges that the protagonist must overcome.  In fact, some of these obstacles are either tempting or incredibly dangerous.  However, it is by facing these challenges that the hero tests himself, gains a better understanding of himself, receives some sort of enlightenment, and develops physical and mental fortitude.  Hopefully, each obstacle I face serves as a lesson.  I want this journey to lead to better physical, emotional and mental health and a new understanding of myself and my capabilities.  Let me say again that I embrace the beauty and boldness of my size, and that this journey is not about being thin.  This journey is about being healthier and strong.  I want to better the things about myself that I am able to.  I want to empower myself.  I want to be a woman of love, yes, but also of action and determination.  Lord, help me box myself out of my weaknesses!

Hara Hachi Earthlings!

Obviously, I’ve been slacking in my blogging portion against this war on fat!  OK, I just cracked myself up.  Honestly, I sometimes feel as though I’m writing to no one or myself or space.  Is anyone out there?  Hello?   Hello?  Hello? (faint echo)   After talking with a friend, I’ve decided that it’s important for me to keep expressing my thoughts, as well as my frustrations, and to impart all my new knowledge! So here it goes space friends. 

I am tracking how much I eat and how many calories I'm eating. Again, my get healthy plan is not about extreme diets but simply making smarter choices and embracing new information. Keeping a log of what I eat, and being diligent about it, is a great way for me right now to do this. Tracking my exercise is an added benefit. For me, logging my food is about understanding my food choices and how much they cost...what am I willing to spend on my food- I'm teaching myself to look at the price tag before buying.  As I stated in my earlier post, my research showed me that there seemed to be a consensus among health experts regarding the formula for determining calorie intake and it was the same as the Loseit! one so I've been consistently logging my every morsel, drink and exercise for the last two weeks. This, I am particularly proud of!  A study in the American Journal of Preventive Medicine found that keeping a food diary can double your weight loss.  Score!  This is reason enough for me to keep track! 

Did you notice that scholarly little reference? I've also been reading quite a bit and I'd like to share some of my findings that I think are useful or profound or profoundly useful. I won't share all my wisdom at once because as Mark Twain said, “be careful reading health books, you may die of a misprint.”  Therefore, I think it’s wise to ingest a few tips at a time. 

Okinawans practice a type of calorie and weight control, naturally, called “Hara hachi bu,” which basically means eat until 80% full and then stop.  You need to pace yourself as you eat, stop at 80%, and let your stomach have time to tell your brain that you’re full.  The island of Okinawa happens to be one of the healthiest populations on earth.  This practice is different than the American version of “eat until you must unbutton your pants for the ride home” because it tastes so good I can’t control myself.  This is sometimes followed by cries of,  “who said ice cream?”  Hara hachi bu.  Eat slowly.  Pace yourself.  Enjoy.  Stop before you’re too full. 

I have also continued working out 3 to 4 times per week.  This has been going on for about 5 weeks now.   My main goal for exercise was to decrease blood pressure, increase heart health, improve mood, and boost energy.  I am a bit shocked to say that already my doctor has lowered my dose of blood pressure medicine.  This is encouraging.  I also keep reading over and over again that exercise, especially circuit training (working with weights), increases metabolism.  As a woman with PCOS, I need the help.  Basically, to banish fat and build muscle, which I want to do, I need to do strength training a couple days a week and cardio a few days a week.  I can do this!  I am meeting with a trainer once a week for 10 weeks to make sure I’m working hard but working safe.  Last week was meeting number one and a bit of boxing happened.  I gave him a beat down...  Just saying!

Well earthlings, after all of these positives, I will end with my frustration.  After 5 weeks, I have lost about 9 pounds.  I feel like it should be more.  Call me greedy but I am working my A*S off.   I truly exercise hard.  I do NOT cheat on my eating.  I eat smart and healthy and good while still enjoying what I eat.  I log my food and calories daily.  However, the last two weeks have been a mystery for me.  The scale has not been moving.  I talked to my doctor about a medication I’m on to see if that might be an issue.  I’m going to try drinking more water.  The book I’m reading now says if you feel like you’re hitting a plateau it may be one of three things:  1.  your body is changing but the scale is not,  2.  you need more calories  3.  you need less calories.  I’m trying to be patient and I’m thankful I have a good team in place! 

I have a vision and it requires sacrifice and change. 

Calorie Grazer Math Hater

Never, ever did I think MY healthy journey would include counting calories.  As I tell my students, never say never.  After doing some research, I've discovered that counting calories is not what it used to be.  With today's technology, it's so much easier!  Basically, this got started because a good friend of mine and her husband were actually concerned that when I started eating better and adding exercise that I might not be eating enough calories for what my body needed to lose weight.  Ironic, huh?  This actually ties in with some other news I've seen about women who have the "fat gene" and PCOS.  Anyway, I digress.  After checking out sites such as Livestrong.com and Loseit.com and I found that free websites make tracking calories easy and eye opening.  While I think both sites have great information, Loseit is a bit more user friendly for me.  Both figure out how many calories you should be eating a day based on your age, weight, height and gender.  Both have phone applications if you want to download or if you do not have that type of cell you can enter all your meals via computer.  Their database of foods is large so all I have to do is enter in what I eat and how much and it figures out the calories for me!  Yeah!  Trust me, I hate math.  Believe it or not, I also like the accountability of logging in what I eat all day.  I may not do this forever, but for now it's important. 

I am learning I work best as a grazer.  Seriously.  I need to eat a little bit all day long.  My body and brain function much better this way.  I stay happier and more focused and I'm less likely to binge or have rash cravings.  I'm fine without traditional "meals" per say.  So, I graze and I keep track of everything I munch on.  The other cool feature about Loseit.com, for example, is that in addition to adding food, I can log in exercise.  It has a big list of exercises to pick from and I can select how long I did it and at what intensity.  Based on my age and weight, the program calculates how many calories I burned and logs it for me!  Love it. 

Every week of this journey I am arming myself with one or two more pieces of knowledge followed by an action.   Each small step is important.  Here's another example: knowing we eat out at least once a week, I downloaded a few applications that provide nutritional information for many restaurants so I can know ahead of time what to order.  I'm not going to deprive myself.  I can still eat good food...I just need to be aware.  What I sometimes think is the healthy option is not always the best way to go! 

As I said in my previous post, I get tired and overwhelmed at times.  I feel like I'm a journey that is never ending.  In a sense it is.  But, at other times, I feel empowered.  I'm feeding myself with knowledge and strength.  Want to know new exercises, I'll share.  Interested in brain food, let me know.  Curious about high fiber snacks, I got your back.  This is how I keep my magic bag full of new skinny chick treats so I can graze... And now here I am, a math hater, a calculator carrier, counting calories.  Thank God for modern technology! 

Big Girl Camp?

I'm feeling frustrated right now. It's like I want the rest of my world to stop while I focus on this journey. I'm suddenly and instantly overwhelmed. I finished my workout today, and I should have been pumped. All I could feel was a sense of sudden dread. We're behind on laundry, work is stressful, and the real meals that need cooked require using fresh ingredients and I'm too tired to mess with it! Can't everything just STOP...at least for awhile so I can just DO this?! I want to read articles and books, stretch, exercise, plan, have time to clean vegetables, pack lunch, keep my eyes on the prize, etc. As it is now, I'm feeling a bit half-assed at many things. Seriously, how much easier and faster could this process be if I could devote more time and attention. Ugghh. I need to be sent to a ranch or a camp or given paid leave or something. I know there's a fat camp in Minnesota but it costs about $2,000.00 and, well, it's colder there. Deep breaths.

Quick Update...

Weighed in this morning and lost 4.6 pounds.  Yes!  This means I've shed 8 pounds since January 3rd.  I will take it.  Today officially begins the fourth Monday of my getting fitter journey and while it hasn't been a cinch, I'm still playing to my dark strengths: being stubborn, fiery, and a little compulsive.  I hope I can keep this up as the harder days approach. 

Stinking Scale (play nice)

What's weighing on my mind at the moment is tomorrow's weigh in.  I have, rather coldly, turned a blind eye to the scale sitting ominously in the corner waiting to feel my feet step apprehensively upon it's surface to weigh judgment upon me without justice.  Last week, even though my monthly visitor came and spent the entire week with me, I could not resist the pull of the scale calling my name almost every day.  I ate well and worked hard but each morning as I slid onto that fiend my confusion and frustration rolled as the numbers shifted  up, down, up, and barely down.  I'm sure I was bloated...right?  I mean, all that hard work and I only lost one pound. 

This week, no monthly visitor and no extra steps on the scale.  It tried to beckon me and I resisted its pleas.  I have not stepped on the scale since last Monday.  Here is what I am currently telling myself: regardless of the number glaring up at me tomorrow morning, I've completed over five hours of exercise this week and I'm truly eating healthy.  I do feel better.  Take that!  Blueberries and kiwi are my new fruit friends.  My purse is always full of "skinny chick treats" and I'm carrying a freaking water bottle for goodness' sake.  OK, if I'm being completely honest, I do still hope the scale of justice tips in my favor!

On another note, here are some simple ideas I'm exploring.  Every movement we make consumes calories.  This includes my bigger workouts but it also includes cooking, brushing my teeth, pushing a grocery cart, stretching, dancing around my living room, an extra trip to fill my awesome water bottle at the fountain, etc.  Basically,  I just need to move more, a little longer and a bit more intentionally.  Next, is food.  From the beginning I've said this journey is about being healthy and not about dieting.  We all need food and I, for one, am a foodie.  I'm having fun reading about healthful food options, foods for brain power and I'm discovering many things I like that surprise me.  My repertoire is expanding.  It's something new to be educated about, and, most importantly, I'm not starving myself or grumpy or bitter or bound by rules. 

I will stay standing and I will finish what I started!  Wish me luck tomorrow morning...

p.s.- Glee Version of "Dream On" with Neil Patrick Harris and Matthew Morrison is an awesome workout song for motivation!

Bob My Builder

I have officially worked out four days a week for two full weeks. My hope is that if I continue like this for 4 full weeks it will become habit!  Supposedly, research says repeat something for three weeks and it shall become habit, but I figure 1) I'm stubborn and 2) working out is not in my blood. Therefore, I better add some cushion.  I'm just waiting until magically, it sticks, and I wake up one morning and become one of those obnoxiously obsessive people (yes, right now I think they are obnoxious) who just must work out at least five days a week or they don't feel complete! Of course, I do have obsessive issues.  I mean, I can totally see myself addicted to exercise.  hahahahaha.

On a more serious note, I've decided on my new motto: "stand up and finish what you started."  I saw it on this season of The Biggest Loser. It's a quote from Bob Harper (the trainer). Now, I don't typically watch this show and I was leery this time. On one hand, I want to be inspired, but on the other hand, I don't want to be discouraged by the huge numbers these people are dropping on the scales each week. Let's face it. In reality, I work during the day and can't exercise five hours at a time, I don't have a trainer, there are no medics next to me when I'm working out, I'm not secluded from other people and restaurants and I don't have someone helping me with food.  However, I really like a couple of their workout videos and I think Bob is adorbs, so, I turned it on to see what, if anything, I could glean from their process. Here's what I got.
1.  Hallelujah...there are some people bigger than me on the show.
2.  Two people, with lots of weight still to lose, already lost 100 pounds, on their own, before getting on the show.
3.  If they can work out that hard, I can work out as hard as I am if not harder.

Another quote that resonated with me, from Bob of course, was during a conversation he had with a guy who kept focusing on all the weight he had to lose and he kept feeling defeated before he really got started.  Bob said, "We gotta think about what we gotta do today...
otherwise it will just mess with your head."  Love it!

P.S.- I now, as of three days ago, am carrying around a water bottle and actually drinking from it and...wait for it....refilling it!  One more positive change.  

Wonder Woman, Wonder Woman (minus the satin tights)

Why isn't it simple to lose weight?  First of all, I for one, lack patience and like many Americans with addictive personalities, I like instant gratification.  However, anything of sustainable value does not come with speedy rewards.  It's hard.  It's gritty.  It's time consuming.  Unlike most addictions, including food addictions, where gratification is instant, that which is diligently accomplished by the sweat of one's brow has no immediate result for good behavior.  Therefore it is important that I outline MY own health plan and find ways to see and appreciate the real and authentic benefits of the albeit small but beneficial successes along the way. It takes time to lose weight and the more weight you want to lose the more time it takes.  As much I may say the numbers on the scale do not control me, I must have other motivations.  For example, I just weighed in this morning and I only lost one pound.  To me, the scale is not tipping too far in my favor considering the amount I’m busting my butt.  If I’m not going to get defeated, I need to find more than that one-pound to hang onto.  Here it goes.  I specifically feel stronger in my legs from working out 3-4 times per week.  And for some reason, I seriously seem taller.  I like that. 

My pastor once said, "Sometimes the hardest things are the things that bring us the most freedom." My picture right now is Wonder Woman.  Granted, she looks a bit manly here, but I remember watching her as kid and admiring her strength.  You know what else I like, she’s not stick skinny.  She’s got curves.  What I’m doing is hard and emotional but I’m continuing to battle it out.  I've got my eating plan in place, a good support system with friends and family, and an attitude of strength!

So to leave you...check out the lyrics to the Wonder Woman theme song!

Wonder Woman, Wonder Woman.
All the world's waiting for you,
and the power you possess.

In your satin tights,
Fighting for your rights
And the old Red, White and Blue.

Wonder Woman, Wonder Woman.
Now the world is ready for you,
and the wonders you can do.

Make a hawk a dove,
Stop a war with love,
Make a liar tell the truth.

Wonder Woman,
Get us out from under, Wonder Woman.
All our hopes are pinned on you.
And the magic that you do.

Stop a bullet cold,
Make the Axis fall,
Change their minds, and change the world.

Wonder Woman, Wonder Woman.
You're a wonder, Wonder Woman.

The Challenge!

I received an intriguing text yesterday.  This was a call to battle, a battle of wills, a will to win!  The challenge, a friend and I put in ten dollars each month for three months and at the end of April, the winner, or in this case loser of the most pounds, gets the cash.  Now, while cash is nice, payment may actually come in the form of a well-deserved shopping trip of some sort.  As most of you know, when it comes to playing games, I have a, well, competitive spirit.  To turn down this offer would be difficult.  On one hand, I began this journey for the sole purpose of getting healthier.  To keep things simple and focused, rather than going psycho over numbers and diet plans; this is still my standing.  However, who am I to deny a friend in need of a little jumpstart, right?  If I'm motivating their need to get healthier too, who am I to be the defeatist?  So, here's what I figure.  I can battle and still focus on my own plan (eat good, energy producing, brain smart, healthy food all day and exercise 3-4 times per week).  This is what I have been doing.  In fact, we just went back to the store tonight and restocked the skinny chick treats.  My "carry on" bag is always full.  I worked a long day and came right home and exercised before going out with the man.  My point, why not throw a little competition in the mix for three months.  After all, I'm going to be on this journey for a long time. Now, I'm sure if my friend is soliciting me with this competition, said friend means business as well!  Well...

Bring it on! :-)

By the way, found this quote:

"Everyday do something that will inch you toward a better tomorrow."

F-Bomb!

Healthy or not, I’m realizing that my perception of my size is not reality.  I do not see myself as big as I am.  Literally.   Get ready for the f-bomb people.  I usually don’t feel fat.  I don’t walk around with a big, fat, fat complex.  Here I am, way bigger than some of my friends, a few who think they need to drop some pounds, and yet, at times, I tire of hearing about how insecure they are.  It just hit me, with all the problems I do have, why isn't this one of them?  Why don't I see myself in the mirror and hate what I see?

Recently, a friend of mine who works out obsessively said he was proud of me for working out.  While I appreciate the encouragement, part of me wanted to follow up with, “I’m proud of you when you aren’t a jerk to people dude.”  Might I be overreacting here?  Yes, but I’ve been struck recently by how many people I meet that are both insecure about something and judgmental about something else.  So would you believe I’ve never stopped to consider how many people have judged me about my weight before?  Don’t get me wrong, I’m not naïve, but I’ve never really considered it because it’s never been a social issue or a work issue for me.  Why am I writing this now?  Because recently I did feel judged and my reaction...to spit  in its face.  (Dramatic enough for you?)  To those of you, who do not believe that you are as beautiful as you are, get over it!  Hold your head up high.  If you want to make changes do it for yourself.  Those people who judge you, and I realize the haters are out there, they have a world of issues far greater.  I know so many beautiful people who need to understand, from the inside, how beautiful they are.  

Fat…fine!  I’m also friendly.  Fun.  More fearless with each day.  Funny.  A friend.  Feisty.  A bit funky.  A force to be reckoned with.  

My true identity will be reflected by what is inside and YES, I’ll keep working on the rest FROM within…  Make no mistake, what I'm doing right now, eating healthier and exercising, is for me- for my health.  This is not for anyone else.  

Word!  :-)

Eda-Mama-who?

I weighed myself this morning, one full week in, and I lost 2.4 pounds.  I’ll take it.  Admittedly, I hoped for more and tried to prepare for less.  While I’ve decided the numbers on the scale are not my focus, I think weighing in once a week, just to know I’m moving in the right direction, is important.   

Saturday we went to the grocery store and again, rather than allowing myself to get overwhelmed, I had a focus: skinny chick treats for my magic bag.  I did some research ahead of time and made a list of brain smart, high energy, low-moderate calorie, packable if needed snacks.  Here are a few of my goodies: apples, dark chocolate covered almonds, turkey (nitrate free) with wheat bread, celery and carrots with hummus, tortilla chips (blue ones) and guacamole, trail mix, peppermint stick Luna bars, kiwi, yogurt, blueberries, dark chocolate bars, edamame, pumpkin seeds, popcorn, tabbouleh and crackers, tuna... I’m learning to enjoy new foods.  I’m reading about healthy options and finding what I do and don’t like out there.  Like I said, I’m a foodie.   Let’s use my powers for good!

Just so happens, I have a big leather purse that came in handy for my first trip to the movie theatre this past weekend.  After our trip to Trader Joe’s I put a couple Luna bars, and a few Ziploc bags full of healthy snacks in my purse for urges, snacks on the go, and as a way to avoid temptations like the yummy goodness of the movie theater candy counter.  I walked right by with my bag, sat down in my seat, pulled out my peppermint bar and dug in.  My husband softly whispered in my ear, “I really like this new you.”  Why?  It saves money!  Ha-ha.  

As far as exercising, since last Monday, I worked out 4 times.  I walked about 6 miles and pumped the medicine ball.  I stretched and did crunches.  The secret- a workout buddy, Bob (Biggest Loser video), and Glee (CD’s).

More thoughts to come as I move into week 2...

I Celebrate Myself (at this Juncture)

Here is what I will celebrate so far this week:
1.  I exercised three times this week. I walked several miles, pumped some weights and stretched some needed muscles.
2.  I ate less sweets...far less less sweets.
3.  I am finding it refreshing to write about my thoughts.

Here is what I have realized:
1.  If I do not eat, if I don't keep food in my body at regular intervals, my brain and body start to go crazy.  I'm not sure what this means.  Is this part of the reason I've struggled in the past?  I don't know but it's true.  Because I haven't had a chance to make a good grocery run yet I have gone without snacks (healthy or otherwise) and have waited too long between meals...this has opened my eyes.  I really get crazy.  Headaches.  Shaky.  Cranky.  I haven't given in, well, other than that frosty incident, but I see the importance of being armed with healthy options at all times.  I need brain food.  I need energy food.
2.  As much as I don't want to workout right before I'm about to do it, either because I'm tired from work and would rather nap, or my knees hurt, I feel empowered afterward.  It makes me a stronger woman.  Even it's mental, I need to hang on to that satisfaction.
3.  Numbers cannot matter to me at this juncture.  (I really wanted to use the word juncture).  I need to pat myself on the back for each healthy step I take...literally.  I walked over four miles this week.  I didn't do that last week.  I ate less sweets this week.  If my original goal is to get healthier- I'm on my way.  I made a few smarter meal choices.  Great!


On top of this, I like myself. hahahaha. 

Time to make a grocery list.

It's my Obsession

Last night sleep avoided me.  Why?  Only three days after beginning this "this that shall not be named" I started obsessing about goals; this is just what I said I would not do.  Here are some of the questions that flooded my brain.  Do I try to lose 10 pounds a month?  Should I set a specific size goal for summer?  Like I said, I have no need for skinniness, but I have a certain size in mind that would be glorious.  By the way, to all you little people (take that as a compliment), this size I have in mind, for me, at my current size, still leaves me with plenty of shrinking room down the road should I accept the challenge.  It's a great, first, comfortable, sized goal.  Or, do I just focus on getting off one or two pounds a week?  I also remember a doctor once telling me that with each and every 10% of your body weight you lose, it's a huge health benefit.  Maybe I should work in 10% increments?

This pattern of thinking and questioning and cycling is not new.  I've done it before.  I want motivation but I also recognize that I do indeed have issues with OCD and if I start to feel too overwhelmed, I will quit.  This is tough.  See, on one hand, I really don't care about my weight.  Screw it.  On the other hand, I want to do something about.  So if I do, than I do.  Technically, I have A LOT to lose.  But this is supposed to be about feeling healthier and prevention and getting energy.  So, what do I wrap my head around here?  How do I answer the questions circling in my head?  Do I just eat health-ier than before and exercise (which I did today again by the way) and not focus on the pounds or do I pick one of those goals as mentioned above?

I need to get this right because I have a long road ahead and if I wrote all this and in two months I quit, somebody better smack me (on the butt preferably).

Nobody Puts my Candy in a Corner!

As I mentioned in my first post, I love sweets.  I do. Let's take a moment.  Creme Brulee.  Banana Cream Pie.  Rice Krispie Treats.  Cheesecake.  Sugar Cookies.  Key Lime Pie.  All yummy.  As long as it does not have nuts or freshly baked fruit, I'm in.  There is, however, one sensual source of satisfaction that soars above the rest of all other sweets and that is rich, creamy milk chocolate.  I would pick a chocolate dessert before almost any other on a menu.  I would pick a plain milk chocolate candy bar that slowly melts in my mouth section by section over more complicated and convoluted choices any day!  The problem...dark chocolate is so much better for you!  I keep hearing it on the news. I hear it here, I hear it there, I hear it, hear it everywhere!  Truth is, I think I'd rather learn to like dark chocolate than not have any chocolate.  I've experimented.  Dabbled if you will.  I've tried 75% cocoa and up.  I haven't found much I've loved.  I just heard again that dark chocolate can lower blood pressure, decrease risk of stroke, lesson depression, etc.  Any thoughts?

Skinny Chick Treats in a Magic Bag

Some of my talents are thinking quickly on my feet, multi-tasking, socializing, and being imaginative.  I'm easily attracted to new ideas but they don't hold my attention too long. These don't lend themselves well to diet and exercise.  While I really don't want to be "that" woman with the big bag full of healthy snacks and the water bottle always in hand, I somehow have to be more prepared. I'm discovering that if I wait too long to eat something, I get super hungry fast and I can't think. In fact, I even feel nasty and anxious. If I let myself hit that point or come too close, I'm far more likely to eat the closest snack I can find...healthy or not. And if I've hit raging, shaky, can't think straight point, it will probably take more to fill me up. Or, it takes longer for the food to reach my brain and by then I've eaten more. (Science is not my thing). Today, for example, I was being very good. Because I had two special K bars as a morning snack, I just had a lean cuisine for lunch and yogurt (that I packed) for lunch. Well, by the time my work day ended, I was hungry. I had no magical bag of skinny chick treats. No apples, pretzels, tofu (no way) for me. I found a small candy cane left from Christmas and this wasn't cutting it. A staff meeting was followed by paperwork and by the time I left the building I smelled some kid with a McDonald's sandwich and nearly mauled him for it. Huh. I didn't. Proudly, I didn't even go to Mcdonalds. I went home...only to devour half a small frozen FROSTY left in the freezer from two days prior!  Let's be clear here.  The only reason I ate half is because half is all that was left.  I need a bag. I need healthy treats. I need plastic baggies. I need to get prepared. I feel overwhelmed but I will not quit.


This week is so busy.  I have a ton of work to do.  This is not the week to start working out.  This is not the week to start eating healthier.  I said I would be honest and this is honestly how I feel.  I do not have time to go to the grocery before the weekend.  I will not quit.  I will work out tomorrow.  I will still eat better than I have...
Ugghhh

Do I really want to do this...

So, today I ate a healthier lunch. No school food.  I packed.  In the past I packed my lunch all the time but recently I started running late for work and ate there.  Not a good idea!  Now, I do still like my breakfast on the run (that means in the car as I'm driving to work).  Today it was Special K toaster waffles...with chocolate chips.  At least I didn't put any butter on them.  I also started working out again with my workout buddy. We have made my basement our gym; we have videos, mats, swiss balls, medicine balls and a couple weights.  Much better than a public gym and still the accountability of a partner. We did a mile power walk (thanks biggest loser video) and used our medicine balls to really work the arms. My friend is definitely in better shape than me but I hold my own. I also make her stand up front! Luckily we both have a sense of humor though because right after doing my version of sit ups on the swiss ball I rolled off the damn thing and hit the floor.  Good times.  We haven't worked out for about 7 months because I had knee surgery. Please Lord no injuries this time around. I also weighed myself this morning so I can track what I hope is my progress. I don't care if it comes off slowly...remember I said that! Haha.  

I hope that by keeping this journal of sorts I will hold myself more accountable and I think it will be good for me to have a place to track what's happening...honestly!  

Here I Go Again...but not completely on my own.

Today I start exercising again. I'm almost embarrassed to say this at
the dawn of a new year. No, this is not a resolution per say. I'm not
joining a gym or signing up for a diet. Although, let's be honest
here, it doesn't really matter what I call it, I've failed at "this
that shall not be named" many times before. The successes, and I've
had those too, seem short lived and often thwarted by injury (two torn
meniscuses) or sheer lack of discipline.  Let me be fair, I have
counted points with programs like Weight Watchers and I sweated my
soul publicly in places like Urban Active (do not even get me started
on them).  This however, is my own, realistic, fitter before forty
approach. You notice I didn't say FIT. :-)
I have a way to go before fit and a few years before forty. What I
want is to simply eat better and to incorporate more movement in my
life. I know even this won't be simple. I'm an educated, stubborn,
funny, confident, and in many ways accomplished woman...and yet this
is anything but simple. Why? Let's get real. I'm impatient. I lack
discipline. I hate to sweat. I have bad genes (hey, it's true)! I love
sweets. I'm a foodie. Food is social for me. Food is comforting for
me. I have a slow metabolism (that also is true).  There are a million
things I'd rather due than take time to plan perfect meals, cook,
clean up, and then also add exercise into my day. I have an addictive
personality. I think I'm beautiful as I am. Etc. However, back to the
title of my blog; I do wish to be fitter before I hit forty. Forty
really is an arbitrary number but it works for me...I'm using it to
empower me. It gives me a few years to not feel so pressured by a
scale. I will never be a "salad" only chick. Sorry. I will never be
skinny. I need not feel overwhelmed. This is MY time to journal about
what its like to try getting fitter. Step by step. Honestly. I welcome
comments.


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